We won't sleep together?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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