Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
