There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
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Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
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He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
as a side note pls kill me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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