He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
