Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
