summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we made out on top of his cat.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize