i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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