she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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