Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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