She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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