What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
