I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
