I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
