Cold hands, warm shart.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
