no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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