The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
