A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think my fart just growled at me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
