i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
