It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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