He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
