Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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