I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
