i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
