My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
