He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
