Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
