God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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