I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
