you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Rumble strips road head = magical
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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