Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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