Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
