and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
