I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
