He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize