is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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