i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
