p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
