Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
