I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You took a bar mat shot.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
