I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think people are normalizing furries
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
