You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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