those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
