Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
