WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
