I showed him my bush... on skype.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
