when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
