Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
MIDGETS
????
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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