Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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