Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize