Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
