brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.