You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
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Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
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look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy