I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.