Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
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