i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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