Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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