DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
