I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
