My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
