I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just want to make out with him forever
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
