Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
