discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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