only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
