I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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