im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
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If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
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I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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