I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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