i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
