What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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