How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
