i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
