Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
last night I used snow as a chaser
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