Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
