We won't sleep together?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
