New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
